-
Mary:
- So, what do you think?
-
Ken:
- I was surprised to see that wives still prepare dinner in nearly 90% of households in these days.
-
Mary:
- I agree. Now, a lot more men are shopping groceries in supermarkets than before, and it would have resulted in more husbands cooking, I thought.
-
Ken:
- There ain't so many "parenting fathers" as I expected either.
-
Mary:
- I noticed many signals that increasing number of men now wants to be involved at least in parenting. Do you remember the trend that shorter work hours of husbands increase their involvement?
-
Ken:
- I guess parenting is both demanding and rewarding. Many people without children want to be involved in parenting, but it doesn't come out that way.
-
Mary:
- In parenting, we have to constantly choose between ourselves and children to spend our limited time, or it is a matter of how we balance them, to be more exact.
-
Ken:
- We got again the result that the most decisive factor affecting homemaking and parenting was overall working status of the wife. Men will naturally do less homemaking and parenting as long as they can "outsource" essential homemaking and parenting to their wife.
-
Mary:
- Each couple or family should have their own best balance. I think any balance is good as long as the husband and wife are both comfortable, or at least content with the balance. But in fact, there are many examples of a "satisfied husband and discontent wife" in households with low homemaking and parenting partnerships. It is then no way to believe if somebody tells me "This is the way we want to be in our home."
-
Ken:
- Mary, you're right. I wanna suggest "Think about it and do something to make your partner feel better." I don't know if they really can't see or are just pretending they can't, but anyway it's dishonest to see no unsatisfied wife.
-
Mary:
- By the way, Ken, did you notice there were "different generations" in the round-table talk that they so much enjoyed?
-
Ken:
- Sure I did. Husbands in their 40s said "Doing homemaking and parenting leads to some kind of conflict with other people," but those about 30-year old just didn't feel that way. People are actually changing, I guess.
-
Mary:
- I agree. Young husbands may not actually do homemaking and parenting yet, but at least young people do not backbite those who do.
-
Ken:
- Such statements as "Homemaking is for women" are almost gone this time. Most people wrote like "I think doing homemaking and parenting itself is good," and "I wish I could do it."
-
Mary:
- The bottom line of the survey is...
-
Ken:
- Shoot!
-
Mary:
- Diremption of consciousness and deed.
-
Ken:
- Mary! You go philosophical? What's that supposed to mean?
-
Mary:
- Everybody says: "I wanna do it", "It's better if I can do it", "I think I should do it"..., but most of them simply do not do it, or cannot do it, if I take their words for it. What is their problem?
-
Ken:
- You know, because they do not have to do it, don't they?
-
Mary:
- Don't you think you will try to make it happen when you want to do something?
-
Ken:
- Well... men are busy working...
-
Mary:
- I know the feeling. I have a job, too. But do you remember that husbands with a fulltime-working wife do a fair amount of homemaking and parenting even when they work long? Having a working wife itself does not lead to less demanding job nor more giving job environment. "Busy working" is just an excuse, not a real cause.
-
Ken:
- I found many people wrote back in the survey like "A husband should do his share of homemaking and parenting in a double-income household." It implies, though, "he does not have to do it in a single-income household."
-
Mary:
- I am not saying they are liars. They truly think so when they say "I wanna do it." But it does not lead to actions, does it? Moreover, a husband who thinks "I wish I could do more" generally does not express it to let his partner know what he thinks. So, I summed it up as "diremption of consciousness and deed."
-
Ken:
- Are you saying that it would be better if he tells it to the wife? Don't you think many husbands doing little homemaking and parenting will think they are better off if they stay away from the subject?
-
Mary:
- You may be right, but just covering up yourself and saying and doing nothing will never, ever change anything.
-
Ken:
- I guess communication is deep.
-
Mary:
- I have recently come to think that only actions can change behavior. If you think you should do it, then just do a little more than before. It could be clearing the table or going out for walk with children. No big deal, but the small thing you do will start a virtuous cycle: it shows how you feel and it will catalyze you to invoke next steps.
-
Ken:
- Making actions will get instant effects. I would say that's the most effective tactics to make the sweet home better.
-
Mary:
- Are you saying that is your plan? Plan or not, I am pleased if you do the dishes.
-
Ken:
- Aah...you killing me...the smile! O.K., I'll do the dishes. See? It works right away.
-
Mary:
- I figured it very happy to say "Thank you" from the bottom of my heart.
|
